Who doesn't like Valentine's Day? Michelle Gao for one. Let her count the ways …

By Michelle Gao
Gargoyle staff reporter
Posted Friday, Feb. 10, 2006, The OG, opinions

[Note: This column also appears as an entry in the Gargoyle staff blog.]

Has anyone else noticed how terrible February 14th is? When I was younger and in maybe second grade, it was all, “YAY! WE GET CANDY AND WE CAN BRING CARDS FOR OTHER PEOPLE! WOHOOO!”

Except not really.

Now, I have found a number of things wrong with this so-called “holiday.”

For one thing, what about all the single people out there, hmm? Why isn't there a Single-And-Loving-It Day? Is this a conspiracy to get all the people out there without a valentine into a spiral of deathly depression? OK! So I don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend! Shut up!

For another thing, Valentine's Day has turned into one big scam. A dozen roses for around $50, when at any other time it's around $15? Does anyone else see a big difference in those numbers? And then roses aren't enough, because they're obviously going to die, so you've got to get a stuffed animal, too. Preferably a really cute bear. And then a gushy card. And then chocolate to top that all off.

Wow. There goes a whole hell of a lot of money. Hallmark and flower shops around the country must be so happy.

(Just to be fair, if you're on the receiving end of all that, I guess you don't have much to complain about.)

Everyone this year seems to be breaking up right about now, too. Right before Valentine's Day. That kind of sucks, doesn't it? Right before the day when all the happy couples out there are supposed to be celebrating — BAM. Not anymore.

February 14th is cursed, I tell you. CURSED!

Another thing that gets me is, why wait until this one day to do everything at once? Is there some kind of rule that says, “Thou shalt not show affection until Valentine's Day”? Why not get flowers through the year? A teddy bear just because you want to prove that you love someone? Why cram it all into one day and then stare sadly at your empty wallet?

There is no reason, by the way, for all my fellow slow people out there.

So! Quiz time!

1) Valentine's Day is:
a. Overly expensive
b. Fabulous for the people getting stuff
c. Cursed
d. All of the above (CHOOSE THIS ONE)

2) We should:
a. Kill Hallmark
b. Be sweet to our bf/gf throughout the year
c. Kill Hallmark
d. Kill Hallmark

Answers are “d” and — well, “b,” I suppose.