THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS
"Doll Domination"
Released: Sept. 23, 2008
Genre: Pop

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Despite the infectious beats of the first track and single, "When I Grow Up," this album gives a whole new meaning to the word 'sucky.'

AH, THE PUSSYCAT Dolls. Nine-tenths naked, writhing, and with more blatant sexual references than the dirtiest old grandpa …

So maybe they make adults think our generation is more sexually active than a field of rabbits, and maybe they give us incredibly unrealistic ideals about women today. They come across as self-centered, snotty, and generally just nasty girls to be around.

However, even I have to admit, their latest hit, "When I Grow Up," was amazingly catchy.

Despite my immense distaste for everything they represent, and my general jealousy for their bodies, I found myself humming that song during tests, while studying, in my head during swim practice. It was inescapable.

So, in the interest of finding more upbeat dance pop songs to sing while I walk around, I bought their latest CD, alliteratively named "Doll Domination," released Sept. 23.

Except that it won't dominate anything except the least-played section of my iTunes.

For some reason, the Pussycat Dolls decided to turn their backs on their absurdly loud and fast sound in favor of … slow pop? I don't know exactly what to call it, but after the first track ("When I Grow Up," of course), the whole CD slows down.

Where the beats should be strong and infectious, holding with Pussycat territory, there is strange, irritating almost-slow pop. Not irritating in the way that the Dolls' catchy songs like "Buttons" and "When I Grow Up" are, but irritating because the beat grates on your nerves and the vocals make you want to rip your ears off.

Featuring songs with artists such as Snoop Dogg, Missy Elliott, R. Kelly, and Polow da Don, you would expect something a little better than what is delivered.

While you get the flavor of those artists, and their style comes through, it doesn't result in anything interesting or even good. Maybe if I saw the music videos, I would feel differently about the songs, because the Pussycat Dolls are a very visual group.

After painfully suffering through nine of these atrocities, I come across something that might be promising. The intro is sort of weird, they're more talking than singing, but maybe it'll get good.

Alas, I spoke too soon. The intro isn't actually an intro, it's the song. Even more irritating than the really poorly done slow songs, this is the Dolls … talking … but with lots of Uh-Huhs! and background echoes. "In Person" really just dropped this album to new lows.

The remainder of the CD is hardly worth mentioning. However, since we all know there's a place in the music world where it's all about writhing and shakin' that thang and has nothing to do with how crappy the music, I feel like the Pussycat Dolls might pull off a Grammy after all. "Best Lingerie in a Video" or something.

So basically, this album was the most disappointing thing I've ever downloaded from iTunes. Most of the songs were too irritating to listen more than halfway through. I'll give this two thumbs way, way down.