50 ways to...

Libraries. Supermarket checkout lanes. Dentists' offices. What do they all have in common (besides electronic equipment that uses lasers for civilian purposes)? They have magazines that recycle the same set of lists of "50 ways to..." There are 50 ways to have whiter teeth, 50 ways to tell when your man is about to bolt from your relationship, 50 ways to have tighter abs/buns/whatever in only minutes a day, 50 ways to cut more carbs from your diet, 50 ways to put more zest in your relationship (I personally recommend tartar sauce) , 50 ways to get better returns on your stock investments, etc., etc., ad nauseam. When I open such a publication, I am invariably disappointed by the quality of the advice given. I mean, the top piece of relationship-rescuing advice in a recent mag I picked up was "spend more quality time together." Whoa -- Dr. Ruth, look out!

I figure that the sole purpose of these lists is to serve as filler around juicier stuff, and that no one actually reads them. Am I right? Or wrong, and just too jaded to see that folks do actually benefit from these lists? I myself haven't remembered 50 of anything since I learned the little letters and the big ones in the same week.

-Mr. Curmudgeon