By the Gargoyle Prom Team
Posted Monday, April 9, 2007, The OG, features

WE KNOW BY now you have seen the fliers posted around the school outlining ways to ask your potential date to prom. So, the Gargoyle Prom Team would like to bring you the official “How To.”

First, take this quiz to establish your relationship with the potential date. We will then outline ways to pop the question.

Are you ready? Here it goes:

1. If you somehow found yourself in a closet with this person, you would:

a) Joke about the latest “Family Guy” episode.

b) Awkwardly look at each other and joke about what would happen if someone walked in and you were making out.

c) Pssht … you locked yourselves in that closet. You're now engaged in some serious lip-locking.

2. If you pass this person in the hallway, you:

a) Give that person a super-cool high five.

b) Smile and consider asking for a hug.

c) Smack his or her butt and then plant a wet one.

3. If you were to hang out it would:

a) Be fun — no big deal.

b) Be the highlight of your week. Oh my gosh, what should I say?

c) Be no surprise. You hang out all the time anyway.

4. How many times a day do you think of this person?

a) Four — that's how many classes you have together.

b) At least 82000192938416283954 times a day.

c) You're always with them, so naturally they are always on your mind.

5. What would a prom date with this person be like?

a) A huge group of people going out to dinner and then to prom in one fun blob.

b) An awkward meal (especially when the guy pins the corsage). But the evening would pick up when you got to prom and were around people you knew.

c) A romantic night, with a hotel room at the end, if you know what we mean.

IF YOU ANSWERED:

Mostly A's: You guys are buds. Nothing more and nothing less. If you are thinking about asking a platonic counterpart to prom, it probably means that you are not looking for something serious or romantic. You are looking to have a smashing time with a fun person.

Suggestions:

1. Approach it casually; bring up prom in the conversation and ask them if they have a date yet. If they don't, pop the question.
   
2. If you're a true Uni geek, put a program on their calculator that makes “PROM? PROM? PROM? PROM? PROM? …” fill their screen.
   
3. If you want to have a little fun yourself get a friend to mummify you in toilet paper and stuff you in your potential date's locker. Have a sign that says, “Unwrap me!” After they unwrap, jump up and scream, “PROM?!?!” (P.S. This plan is not feasible.
   

IF YOU ANSWERED:

Mostly B's: Maybe you know this, or maybe you don't, but you definitely have a crush on your potential prom date. You probably are a little scared to drop the bomb, but remember to remain confident. If they say yes, you have the joy of looking forward to spending one entire night with them; if they say “no,” there are plenty other fish in the pond. However, if you follow the Gargoyle Prom Team's tips, there is a 96.841 percent chance that they'll answer in the positive.

Suggestions:

1. If you are very, very confident this is a great way to approach the task. Make sure you have a class with this person. During question time, raise your hand and say, “I have a question for _. Will you go to prom with me?”
   
2. On a piece of paper, write a note that says, “PROM?” and either throw it to them in the form of a paper airplane or a crumpled ball. Note: This is Sarah Pfander's foolproof plan.
   
3. If you want to keep it cute and more personalized, make them a to-do list and tape it on the locker. You probably know this person well, so this shouldn't be too terribly difficult. After listing a few activities they normally do (e.g., go to track practice, finish calc homework, etc.), write the task, “Go to prom with (your name here)?”
   

IF YOU ANSWERED:

Mostly C's: You guys are already a couple, so it's no big deal; you know their answer is going to be a big, fat “Yes!” But, if you would like some romantic/fun/embarrassing suggestions, the Gargoyle Prom Team is at your service.

Suggestions:

1. Ambush their car and paint (in washable paint of course) “Prom?” all over it.
   
2. Burst into one of their classes, get on one knee, and with a rose in hand pop the magical question, “Will you go to prom with me?”
   
3. If you want to spice things up a little bit, be playfully demanding. Approach this potential prom date and say something like: “I'm wearing pink to prom. The corsage better match.”