By Max Goldberg
Gargoyle senior editor
Posted Wednesday, April 5, 2006, The OG, arts

[Note: Uni's 2006 spring play, “Story Theatre” by Paul Sills, will be performed 7 p.m. Thursday, 7:30 p.m. Friday, and 7:30 p.m. Saturday in the North Attic Playhouse. Tickets are $5 for students, faculty, and senior citizens, and $6 for adults. The rest of this week, cast members Max Goldberg, Matthew Freeman, and Emma Anselin will give us their takes on what's happening behind the scenes.]

Two things spell certain disaster for an actor during tech week: Zorba's giant gyros and peach snows from Evo. Both things fuse together in one's stomach to create a conglomeration of roiling sludge that always threatens to retreat back up the windpipe and out onto the stage. Unfortunately, I consumed both of these items in the hour before we were called at 5 p.m. Tuesday to start rehearsal.

Sick to my stomach and worried about ever-present calculus homework, I was not, to say the least, ready for the assault of foundation, blush, and male lipstick (called “manstick” by veteran actors) that arose in front of me. I cannot describe how I looked afterward without the use of vulgar language, so I'll leave it up to you to decide. Think of the most offensive phrase for “really stupid” you can come up with.

After much excitement, shouting, and scurrying that I conveniently avoided by hiding in the elevator, we were ready to start the show. I can't give away too much here without telling the entire plot, but suffice it to say that I will be wearing rainbow stockings and seductive red gloves in two out of my three parts.

At the end of the night I listened to notes given by our director, Barbara Ridenour, while interspersing my own comments, which resulted in heightened directorial annoyance. I tried to take off my makeup with baby wipes to no avail, as I am still wearing dark brown eye liner at this moment.

And that's the way I like it.

[Note: This article can also be found as an April 5 entry in the Gargoyle staff blog.]