“INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL”
Starring Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf
Released: May 22, 2008

WATCH THE TRAILER

Extremely enjoyable to watch, when you ignore some unnecessary additions that make the movie a little bit more ridiculous than it needs to be.

SO, WHAT'S BETTER than Communists, aliens, giant man-eating ants, and Shia LaBeouf?

Communists, aliens, man-eating ants, Shia LaBeouf, and Indiana Jones, that’s what.

First of all, Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr. (Harrison Ford) should have died 20 years ago. I really am not sure it’s possible to have 10 people all mercilessly firing off machine guns in your general direction and not get hit at all. Well, maybe it’s possible, but it’s highly unlikely.

While it may be highly unlikely, it’s one of those things that just makes the Indiana Jones movies, directed by Steven Spielberg, awesome.

Indiana Jones is one of the greatest characters ever: bumbling archaeology professor by day, swashbuckling adventurous archaeologist by other day. His love of history will win out over his love for any woman, and his immense fear of snakes will almost win out over his will to live.

You thought the saga was over in 1989 with “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” which would make sense, you know, since it was called “the Last Crusade.”

But I guess Indiana Jones is like Chuck Norris in the fact that he can do whatever he wants to, including completely defying the meaning of the word “last.”

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is one of the most ridiculous movies I’ve ever seen, and that is saying something, because not only have I watched every “Zoey 101” TV movie, I have also seen both “High School Musicals,” and my favorite movie when I was little was “Barbie and the Rockers.” This is one ridiculous movie.

However, in this case, ridiculous does not mean bad. Sometimes, it means “You have got to be kidding me,” or “Wow, they could have done without that,” but “Crystal Skull” isn’t bad at all, actually. In fact, I quite liked it.

It’s 1957, in the midst of the Red Scare and ongoing battles between the jocks and the greasers. It’s been 21 years since Indiana’s discovery of the Ark of the Covenant, 19 since he saved the Holy Grail, and the Russians have now kidnapped him. Turns out they want one of his discoveries from 10 years ago, which is kept in the sea-of-wooden-boxes warehouse along with the Ark, and they need him to figure out which box it is.

Eventually he meets up with a random kid supposedly named “Mutt Williams” (Shia LaBeouf), and together they’re thrown into this slightly confusing goose chase all over the world as they try to track down Mutt’s mother, a crazy old professor, and a famed crystal skull.

If it sounds a little bit chaotic, it is, but if it weren’t, would it be an Indiana Jones movie? Would it be nearly as fun to watch? No. And in a movie like this, the plot doesn’t matter much anyway.

What does matter is that Indiana is, in fact, reunited with Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen), his feisty girlfriend from “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” who hasn’t changed a bit.

We also return to Indy’s terrible fear of snakes, which really just makes me want to give him a big hug, especially when he’s sinking in some sort of quicksand-like sand and all Mutt can find to throw to him is a very giant snake (“Please, can you just call it a rope? Please?”).

In reality, the plot is kind of irrelevant to watching the movie. You’re not really watching it for the plot. You’re watching “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” to see Harrison Ford beat up Communists. Or to see him weave in and out of various heavily armed military vehicles. Or to see him smash things out of people’s hands with his whip. Or to see him almost lose his hat, but then grab it at the last possible second.

Speaking of Harrison Ford, he is really awesome. The guy is 66 years old, and still breaking communists’ noses with that crooked smile on his face like he’s 39 again. If I had been around in the ’60s or ’70s, or even ’80s, I probably would have loved him just as much as my mother did/does.

If you’ve never seen any of the other movies, and you don’t have time to watch all of them before you see “Crystal Skull,” at least see “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” It’s the only other one I’ve seen in its entirety, and I really don’t think I needed to have seen the other two. Even if you haven’t seen “Raiders,” you’ll probably be able to follow along just fine.

Having watched “Raiders” in the morning and “Crystal Skull” in the afternoon on the same day, I could really appreciate the parallels between the two movies, like a shot through the door of a classroom in which Jones is teaching.

In “Raiders,” all of the girls are sitting in the front dreamily gazing up at the oblivious professor. In “Crystal Skull,” all of the students look ridiculously bored by the much older man blabbering on about something history-related. It’s really very interesting to see how much or how little things have changed in the last 20 years.

In recent years, Shia LaBeouf has slowly made his way up from being that annoying “Even Stevens” kid to being one of my favorite actors ever. He officially reached that list in last summer’s “Transformers,” which is one of my favorite movies ever.

I had no idea what to expect when I heard that he was playing a main character in the latest Indiana Jones movie, and was pleasantly surprised. He brought a fresh face to a movie otherwise brimming with, no offense to anyone, old people, and his character wasn’t terribly annoying or stupid.

Cate Blanchett was also surprising as Irina Spalko, the movie’s evil villain. I don’t know exactly what she is, but I do know that she’s evil and Russian. Her Russian accent, however, was almost too cute to be evil, and just made me want to imitate her. “I vant to know everysing!”

I really, sincerely hope that no one meant for anyone to take this movie seriously. I mean, the opening shot is of a couple of prairie dogs. A bunch of guys get shot down, and there is no blood. Indy accidentally stumbles into this fake town that then gets hit by a nuclear explosion and he escapes by hiding in a refrigerator. Two guys get eaten by ants. Shia LaBeouf swings from vines like Tarzan, surrounded by monkeys. I mean, come on.

And yes, there are aliens. Not illegal aliens. Space aliens. I’m not going to tell you why, because you wouldn’t believe me, nor would you understand, because I don’t. Because they aren’t even actually space aliens. They’re space-between-the-spaces aliens. See? You didn’t understand that, did you? It would probably just be better if you didn’t ask any questions.

I think that is how you have to take the whole movie: Don’t ask any questions. Just watch it, and laugh, and gasp, and be happy, because Indiana Jones is really cool, and he can do things that you will never be able to do if you practiced for the rest of your life. But you shouldn’t practice at all, because you’ll probably die. Indiana Jones is the epitome of “Don’t try this at home.”

It’s not even like I didn’t like the weirdness. What I didn’t like was the feeling that Indiana Jones doesn’t belong in the ’50s. He and his clothes and his archaeological work belong back in the ’30s, and his world just didn’t seem to mesh with that of the poodle skirts and letter jackets. It was just a little odd until Indy got out of the big city and into the Amazon jungles, where you really couldn’t tell what year it was.

So anyway, I really enjoyed this movie. The cinematography, acting, sound effects, special effects, stunts, costumes, dialogue, and choreography are all quite excellent. Just quietly ignore the mildly confusing plot and complete randomness of the aliens, vine-swinging, etc., and you will be just fine. You might even get really excited for the rumored possibility of another archaeological adventure!

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is currently playing at the Goodrich Savoy 16, 232 W. Burwash, Savoy, and the Beverly 18, 910 Meijers Drive, Champaign.

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” AT A GLANCE

• Starring: Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeouf, Karen Allen, Cate Blanchett
• Directed by: Steven Spielberg
• Written by: David Koepp (screenplay), George Lucas (story, characters), Jeff Nathanson (story), Philip Kaufman (characters)
• Genre: Action, Adventure
• Rated: PG-13
• Runtime: 124 min.
• Release date: May 22, 2008
• Summary (from IMDb): Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones is called back into action when he becomes entangled in a Soviet plot to uncover the secret behind mysterious artifacts known as the Crystal Skulls.
• External links: Official site, IMDb entry