LAUREN PIESTER
Gargoyle staff reporter
Posted Sunday, May 18, 2008

THE END OF May means a lot of things — finals, graduation, summer, three months of freedom, and, most importantly, the end of the current television season.

Most specifically, this Wednesday will mark the close of the seventh season of “American Idol.”

Many things about the season were surprising, like when Michael Johns, the hot Australian Rob Thomas-like guy who was probably the first Idol contestant to ever do “Bohemian Rhapsody” justice, was voted off way too early (I’m still angry at you, America).

The talent has been surprisingly good, much better than last year, and Paula has been much more lucid and sober than she has been in past seasons (that’s not to say she doesn’t still have her moments, like when she critiqued a performance that hadn’t happened yet).

But no one’s surprised anymore. In my opinion, the final two have been obvious for the entire season, almost since the initial auditions. The other contestants were kind of just there to satisfy the rules of the Idol democracy.

Tuesday’s performance showdown will be the Battle of the Davids, 25-year-old David Cook and 17-year-old David Archuleta. They’re arguably the most popular and successful Idol contestants ever. They’ve both had a couple of bad weeks performance-wise, but they have always stayed far away from the clutches of the bottom three.

I’ve always known who the top two would be, but what I really don’t know is who will claim the title of the next American Idol.

I really really really liked David Archuleta at his first audition. The guy is my age, he’s cute (in a batlike sort of way), he’s totally adorable when he closes his eyes while he sings, he has this totally infectious smile and this really believable aw-shucks personality that just makes the 19th-century corset-wearing lady inside you desperate for one of those fainting couches.

But is he the next American Idol?

The first time we ever saw him, he sang a John Mayer song, and, aside from kind of messing up the words, he was AMAZING. Had this been the type of music he sang throughout the season, I would have loved him to death and I would probably be one of those hilarious I-like-to-pretend-
that-this-is-a-legitimate-rock-concert-by-waving-my-hands/cell phone-in-the-air fan girls in the front row, attempting to grab onto the lace of David Archuleta(*swoon*)’s shoe.

But, sadly, that is not what he did. Instead, he went the “ugh”-inducing route of super inspirational I-will-make-your-grandma-vote-for-me songs. There have been many rumors that his father is crazy and picked all the songs for him. I actually kind of hope so, because I am hoping with all of my heart that those are not the type of songs the guy actually likes to sing.

So, actually, I am really bored with David Archuleta. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that he is extraordinarily talented, and I would probably go to prom with him in a heartbeat (except the combinations of our awkward personalities and my inevitable inability to speak coherently to famous people might make for a really uncomfortable yet memorable evening), but his performances are just not interesting.

Though it was sort of interesting when he decided to go a completely different road and sing a Chris Brown song last week, and I was glad when he admitted that he is not even close to being the type of person who is ever allowed to say “my boo,” especially in public. But still. It’s sad to say that he could learn something from last season’s hurricane of a contestant, Sanjaya.

And at least he’s still adorable. (*swoon*)

As for David Cook, it took awhile for me to warm up to him. I don’t even remember his first audition, and I didn’t ever notice him until the top 24. He started off being ugly and uninteresting, blending in with all the other guys just trying to be Chris Daughtry (I would just like to take a moment to chastise America for screwing that one up so badly — he only got fourth place!), and his odd rockstar comb-over covering up his abnormally giant skull made me feel sort of uncomfortable looking at him.

But then he sang an amazing electric-guitarized version of the Beatles “Eleanor Rigby” (one of my favorite Beatles songs), and my mouth fell open in love and adoration.

Since then, he’s only gotten better. He turned a Dolly Parton song into one of my new favorites (a feat previously thought completely impossible) and helped me to understand Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” by turning the ’80s pop hit into a legitimate rock song (well, he didn't turn it into a rock song; it was actually Chris Cornell, the lead singer of Audioslave, but David did sing it very well).

Despite Simon’s critique that the guy has no charm, Cook has, in fact, helped us to see past the funny hair and has charmed his way into the hearts and onto the iPods of so many Americans it’s not even funny. I have already downloaded three of his songs and plan to buy his CD as soon as it comes out.

However, does that mean he’s the next American Idol?

The way I see it is that it’s really not always the best thing to actually win the title, because then you’re forced into the total control of the overbearing producers, and, from what I know, you don’t get very many decisions to make for yourself. Plus, you’re forced to sing whatever cheesy fan-composed musical abomination that the bored fan girls voted on.

Some Idol winners have become very, very successful, like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. They’re so successful that you forget they were ever even on a reality show. Others have become second-rate Broadway stars (Fantasia Barrino) or have fizzled out completely and disappeared off the face of the earth (Ruben Studdard? Taylor Hicks?).

So as for who should win American Idol, I don’t think it matters who I like the most. What matters is who belongs there and who will do the best with what they’ll get from the deal.

So in the end, while I find David Cook a million times more interesting, it is my prediction that David Archuleta will win. And he should. Cook can find success easily without the title of American Idol. With the rockstar image he’s made for himself, winning might even bring him down. Runner-up is much more hardcore rebellious rock star.

By the same token, winning will be great for Archuleta. He can sing those cheesy inspirational songs all he wants, and while I most likely won’t buy his CD, I can still secretly go all crazy fan girl every time he flashes that smile (*swoon*).

And really, it doesn't matter in the slightest, anyway, because all I really want is for Idol to be over so that “So You Think You Can Dance” will finally start!!! You have no idea how excited I am.

Note: An earlier version of this article appeared as an entry in the Gargoyle staff blog.