Student Productions — Uni's annual showcase of student-written and -directed plays — will be held 7:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday in the North Attic Playhouse. Six Gargoyle staff members are participating in StudProd '08 — seniors Lauren Piester and Lor Sligar, juniors Hadley Hauser, Diana Liu, and Brittany Scheid, and sophomore Kahlilah Cooke. In the coming days they will take us behind the scenes of one of Uni's favorite entertainment traditions. Lauren Piester, writer and director of one of this year's plays, "Superhero Complex," gets things rolling with the first installment of StudProd Diary.

DUE TO THE fact that it's tech week and I didn't get to go home last night because of terrible road conditions and the middle-of-nowhere location of my house, I don't feel like writing real paragraphs. So I'm not going to, except for this one. Instead, I shall write you a skit illustrating how the first tech rehearsal of StudProd went Monday night.

(After school on Monday, Lauren has just walked down from English class and is met by fellow thespian Sarah Lake-Rayburn.)

Sarah: Hey, you want to go to Noodles?
Lauren: Sure. Who else is going?
Sierra Marcum: I am!
Sarah: Maybe this conglomeration of boys will go with us!
Lauren: Oh yay!
Sarah (turning around): Hey Deren Kudeki, Jeremy Kemball, and Carl Pearson, would you like to go out to eat with us?
Conglomeration of boys: (in unison) Sure!

(All don heavy coats and gloves and scarves and hats and things.)

All: OK let's go.
Anna Gooler: Hey we'll go with you.
Zack Goldberg: Yeah.

(All proceed to walk outside.)

Lauren: Oh dear it's cold. Let me zip up my randomly really large collar all the way up to my nose. I'll also wear my hat and my scarf and I will put on my sunglasses to keep the snow out of my eyes.
Everyone else: Wow, Lauren, you look ridiculous.
Lauren: Thanks!

(All proceed to walk in a very cold way to Noodles.)

Lauren: I'll have the macaroni and cheese.
Noodles cashier: Cool. How many of you are there?
Lauren: (counting) Seven!
Sarah: Um, there are eight.
Lauren: Oh. Eight.

(All proceed to eat noodle-related food items and discuss random things like the upcoming "Star Trek" movie and discover new features on Laurens camera which she has had for almost a year.)

Sarah: Hey let's go back.
Everyone else: OK.

(All proceed to walk back to school.)

Jeremy: I'm going to pretend to skate. (proceeds to pretend to skate)

(All arrive back at school and discover food that Lauren's and Sindha Agha's mothers have brought, and they all carry it up in the elevator.)

Someone: Woo StudProd!

(The entire cast proceeds to do nothing for quite a long time.)

Directors: Hey everybody sit on the stage!

(Everyone takes forever to sit on the stage.)

Directors: So it's tech week … rehearsals 5-9 … you have to be here … food is delicious … crazy hair day … South Attic … $11 … this is the order … Max in a bear costume! … I am a bear, look at my hair … blahblahblah …

(Natsuki Nakamura's play is performed while Lauren runs through her lines for Hannah Leskosky's play.)

Hannah: Hey Lauren, you want to do an '80s workout with me?
Lauren: OK.

(Hannah and Lauren proceed to put hair into side ponytails.)

Hannah: Ready?
Lauren: Ok!

(Hannah and Lauren proceed to do an '80s workout while watching Hadley Hauser's play.)

Hannah and Lauren: And left, and right, and up, and down, and kick, and woo, "Breakfast Club," down, and left, and right, and jump, and Michael Jackson has a nose! And out, and up, and over, and he's black? What? And "Footloose"! And kick, and right, and up, and left, and kick …
Deren: I wearin' shorts!

(Things proceed to happen slowly.)

Sierra: OK, time for my play!

(Jeremy goes on stage. The lights are up. It's dramatic. Then, suddenly, everyone screams as the light tree on stage begins to swing on its cord right toward Jeremy, who masterfully jumps out of the way of almost certain death. The light tree crashes to the floor.)

Everyone: HOLY COW!

(Everyone spends the next hour trying to set the light tree back up in a manner that will prevent it from almost killing anyone else. Then Sierra's play gets performed.)

Everyone: Yay.

(Time for Hannah's play! Lauren dons her D.A.R.E. shirt in order to play a D.A.R.E. officer.)

Zack: I need HAWD evidence!
Lauren: You see kids … I joined a gang … Then I became a drug mule … YEAH! Hahahaha you're not doing drugs! Pshaw.

(When Hannah's play is over, it's time for Lauren's play!)

Ben Zehr: Super rotating dihidrogen monoxide centrifugal combuster thing!
Sian Best: I wish he would wear pants more often.
Ethan Schiller: Have no fear! Mighty Man is here!
Anna: He's not actually magnetic, duh.
Brittany Scheid: That's super depressing.
Deren: Meadow Mushroom man?
Anna: Super!

(Kareem's play is performed while Lauren gleefully dances around, celebrating the fact that her cast magically almost knows all their lines.)

Tianna: Chivalry … is … dead!
Everyone: Hey we're done. But there are still 20 minutes left!
Natsuki: Hey, my cast, let's rehearse again.
Natsuki's cast: OK!

(The night ends with a quick clean-up and a game of floor-patting, which Carl and Lauren win, and then Lauren rides off into the darkness in the back of the Gooler car. It has obviously been a very good rehearsal, and Lauren and everyone else are obviously very much looking forward to more exciting tech rehearsals to come throughout the week.)

STUDPROD 2008: CAST MEMBERS

"All for a Kiss" Written & directed by Natsuki Nakamura

• Tristan: Jeremy Kemball
• Logan: Buck Walsh
• Sam: Sarah Lake-Rayburn
• Alana: Sian Best
• Cody: Kareem Sayegh
• Drama Teacher: Hannah Leskosky

"* 69" Written & directed by Hadley Hauser

• Cindy: Lor Sligar
• Felix: Deren Kudeki
• Answering Machine: Diana Liu
• Beep: Max Sigalov

"Criminal Crime" Written & directed by Sierra Marcum

• Xerxes: Jeremy Kemball
• Kandy: Anna Gooler
• Carpenter: Dillon Price
• Cop: Diana Liu
• Jill: Natsuki Nakamura

Ten-minute intermission

"After School Special" Written & directed by Hannah Leskosky

• Kate: Sindha Agha
• Kelly: Lor Sligar
• Matt: Dillon Price
• Pete: Ben Zehr
• Gilbert Ethan Schiller
• Mr. Oliver: Zack Goldberg
• D.A.R.E. Officer: Lauren Piester

"Superhero Complex" Written & directed by Lauren Piester

• Max: Ethan Schiller
• Lily: Anna Gooler
• Audrey: Brittany Scheid
• Eric: Deren Kudeki
• Mom: Sian Best
• Dad: Ben Zehr

"Romeo and Juliet Revisited" Written & directed by Kareem Sayegh

• Romeo: Max Sigalov
• Mercutio: Zack Goldberg
• Nurse: Tianna Pittenger
• Juliet: Maria Gao

STUDPROD 2008: BEHIND THE SCENES

• Crew: Kahlilah Cooke, Brianna Hajek, Raina Martens
• Musicians: Clement Dossin, Carl Pearson
• Sound: Raina Martens
• Lights: Francois Dossin
• Faculty Sponsor: Barbara Ridenour

STUDPROD 2008: AN OVERVIEW OF THE PLAYS

"All for a Kiss"
by Natsuki Nakamura
A sweet play surrounding the drama found around stage kisses during auditions and rehearsals for a school production.

"* 69"
by Hadley Hauser
A woman gets a mysterious message on her answering machine from a stranger, and it slowly begins to take over her life as she obsesses over who the caller might be.

"Criminal Crime"
by Sierra Marcum
In this parody of crime shows reminiscent of old slapstick, a detective and his assistant try to solve a series of murders in rather unorthodox ways.

"After School Special"
by Hannah Leskosky
A high school student hears some of his peers discussing a public service announcement they are filming on drug use and mistakenly believes they are actually using drugs.

"Superhero Complex"
by Lauren Piester
A kid thinks that he is a superhero, and his family is tired of it so they attempt to convince him that he is not.

"Romeo and Juliet Revisited"
by Kareem Sayegh
A lively musical version of the classic Shakespeare play, with a little twist.