Nickelodeon star and late-'90s-pop-idol-relative Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant.

What a shocker!!!! Yeah, maybe not. I believe my initial reaction to the big news was something like: "Wow, 'Zoey 101' might actually be interesting now. Teen pregnancy? I mean, I realize it takes place at boarding school, but come on."

Unfortunately, the final season of "Zoey 101" has already been taped. Jamie Lynn won't conveniently be standing behind a table in every scene like they did for Monica in "Friends."

On a more personal note, this is most likely not the end of the world for cute and innocent (can we still call her that?) Jamie Lynn Spears.

She probably has the means to provide a financially secure childhood for her offspring. While her child may have plenty of psychological trauma, it will at least be physically well cared for. With the increasing teen birth rate in the U.S., I would bet there are plenty of pregnant 16-year-olds who can't say the same thing.

That's not to say the story isn't incredibly hilarious. What's probably most amusing is Lynne Spears, Jamie's mother, quoted as saying things like, "I was in shock ... She's never late for her curfew!"

Needless to say, the release of Lynne's Christian parenting book has now been postponed, although anyone who would pay for parenting advice from this woman should probably not be allowed to have children in the first place.

I would feel sorry for the media circus that's sure to surround this "blessed event," but seeing as Jamie Lynn and her mother sold the story to OK! magazine, I would consider that to be the definition of "asking for it."

But perhaps there's still hope. Maybe Jamie Lynn Spears will be a competent parent and won't use her baby as an ashtray or catapult test subject or whatever it is other members of her family are prone to do. Maybe the American public will finally get some sense and lose interest. Maybe this will spark us to fund sexual education classes that actually teach you something.

It's doubtful. In fact I would be genuinely shocked if anything productive came out of the pregnancy of Britney Spears' questionably talented little sister. Oh, except for a retrospective look at 2007, the Spears' hard year.

I would end with a quote from the Britney herself, something about how this hopefully won't be an "Oops … I did it again" type of thing, but that would be beyond cheesy. Besides, the messed-up child star thing isn't so bad. Just ask Gary Coleman. He turned out OK …