Since the year is drawing to a close, I promised former Uni student Ishan Desai-Gellar that I would write at least one ridiculous "Hey look, I'm Jewish!" blog entry in my first year here at the OG.

So I would just like to let you all know, that Passover is the most aggravating holiday ever. Well, not really. Everyone knows that award goes to "Grandparents Day." But you get the idea.

First of all, the Passover experience begins with a big dinner where nobody can eat anything with bread or breading or pasta, to remember the Hebrews leaving Egypt without proper bread. I'm not actually entirely sure that that's correct, but that's how the Passover episode of "Rugrats" explained it, so close enough.

Then you sit around and avoid paying attention by discussing whether it would suck more to have boils or locusts or diseased cattle roaming about your municipality, as part of the 10 plagues Moses was said to force on the Egyptians. This quickly dissolves into my favorite part of Passover, gossip about your schoolmates!

Then for the next seven or eight days, you go to school, and after years of getting strange looks for eating sandwiches made of what can only literally translate to English as "cardboard," you wind up semi-cheating by eating rice, or drinking something with corn syrup.

Then, assuming you have no willpower-slash-aren't particularly hardcore about holidays you don't like in the first place, you wind up buying pizza or dumplings at a pizza or dumpling sale and fully cheating. Then the other Jewish kids at school point at you on the staircases and say "Blasphemy! Blasphemy!" or send you text messages rambling about "sacrilege." (True stories …)

Then you go home and feel like a bad person. The next day at school winds up being spent hiding from all of the people you sent “sacrilege” text messages to before you gave up on not eating bread, in case those people want to beat you up.

Personally, I think it would be overall more productive to have a "Moses Appreciation Day" (or "Ramses II Anti-Appreciation Day"?) where everyone can go home and feel good about themselves for no reason.

But on the off-chance that whoever decides these things doesn't agree with me, I would just like to ask that the next person rambling about how they didn't get an Easter basket this year should stop and consider what it would be like to wind up with one of the many alternatives.

If you really do like Passover, I am sincerely apologetic for dissing it. It's just, see, my brain feels kind of fried from this whole lack of unstructured carbs thing …. It's almost as if I'm just angry because someone went through my house and threw out all of the bread … OH WAIT.