SINDHA AGHA
Gargoyle staff reporter
Posted Wednesday, April 30, 2008

MILEY CYRUS, put some clothes on. Seriously.

I think we all put up with your bopping around in obnoxiously sequined teeny garb with ultra-teased, bottle-blonde faux follicles. Do you really need to be posing half-naked in Vanity Fair?

Honestly, the whole teeny-bopper-turns-bad-ass-in-two- seconds-then-gets-drug-addicted-then-gets-pregnant-all- before-her-18th-birthday thing is getting annoying. Plus, I thought it was a phenomenon of the earlier millennium years. … But I guess I’m wrong.

Of course, who’s to say that, just because she posed what can technically be called topless for photography goddess Annie Leibovitz, Miley Cyrus’ career as a spotlight-bather will turn her into a Hollywood humanwreck?

Certainly not I. But honestly, who is willing to deny that that seems highly probable? Definitely not I, and definitely not the rest of you.

In general, I wouldn’t consider a bare back and shoulders to be grossly profane; what bothers me is the fact that the portrayal seems to be completely inaccurate.

Although it’s hard for me to say, considering that Annie Leibovitz is one of my favorite photographers, I think Leibovitz erred. She took a beautiful picture, no doubt, but is a bare-skinned girl clutching a satin bed sheet and looking directly at the camera, her hair blowing messily, honestly a photograph fit for the face of Disney’s billion-dollar bonanza?

First of all, she’s 15. Maybe one could make the argument that Hollywood shoves teen actors and actresses into adulthood, but “Hannah Montana” is a children’s show, attracting more than 3 million viewers, primarily ranging in age from 6 to 14. Miley Cyrus might make big bucks, but she doesn’t seem to be the most sophisticated teenage actress out there.

Of course, it wasn’t really Cyrus’ fault. It was pretty much those strange artistic people who talked her into it. She made this evident in a prepared statement released on Sunday:

“I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed. I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.”

Oh well. Good luck to her, I suppose. But, if she does take a Spears- or Lohan-esque route, I’d just like to point that I have, most certainly, called it.