If you have no idea how to answer that, then you haven't been listening to right-wing radio broadcaster Rush Limbaugh — which is probably a good thing

Carl Zielinski
Gargoyle staff reporter
Posted Thursday, Dec. 14, 2006

Opinions

RUSH LIMBAUGH has done it again. He's forgotten that people really, seriously don't like him.

Maybe he should have gotten the message after Al Franken's book “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations” was on The New York Times bestseller list for several weeks. Or after David Letterman was applauded for making fun of him when he was a guest on “The Late Show.”

Unfortunately, he hasn't caught on yet. Recently he made some statements about how women are similar to cats, in his Nov. 30 broadcast. Here's an excerpt:

“Many people in my position would think my cat's coming to me because she loves me. Well, she likes me, and she is attached, but she comes to me when she wants to be fed. … She's smart enough to know she can't feed herself. And she doesn't have to do anything for it, which is why I say this cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life.”

Actually, I agree. Women are a lot like cats. But by that I don't mean that they throw up on the rug or relieve themselves in those convenient, out-of-the-way litter boxes. I mean it in the sense that they have the ability to assemble into a large group and claw you to death.

This risk is even higher for Limbaugh since he is overweight and probably can't run that fast, making him easily mobbed by angry feminists. Ironic, considering his name is “Rush.”

Now, I don't pretend to know anything about women. But, contrary to Limbaugh's statement, I'm pretty sure they have the miraculous ability to not starve without a husband. That could be why there are still living single women. If they can't feed themselves, how are they still alive?

Considering Limbaugh's track record with women, I'm really not that surprised. He has made similar comments in the past, like how some women would love to be employed simply as eye candy, so that they won't have to do any work. He is also credited with coining the term “femi-nazi,” in reference to women who are for equal rights, or are pro-choice.

It's also interesting to note that he has had a string of unsuccessful marriages, including to his third wife, whom he met over e-mail. He hasn't had another wife since they divorced in 2004.

But don't get me wrong. I'm not going to judge Limbaugh for his beliefs. For example, I'm not going to analyze Limbaugh's “women as cats” routine and draw a correlation between the low success rate of his relationships and his need to persecute women on his show.

That would be unfair. I would be a pretty mean person to suggest that he has to rely on slandering feminists in order to improve his own shattered self-esteem. Fortunately, I would never be that horrible.

Oh, wait …