SARAH PFANDER
Gargoyle co-editor-in-chief
Posted Monday, Oct. 1, 2007

WE ARE FACED with inner moral conflicts every day.

For example, how tolerant is too tolerant? We are told to accept others’ ideas, thoughts, and backgrounds, even if they are different from our own. But does that mean I have to be tolerant of racist, sexist, or prejudiced views because everyone is entitled to their own opinion?

And there are similar instances. How can I be proud of my accomplishments without being cocky? How can I feel justified without being self-righteous?

These are all interesting topics, and maybe I will do a whole series of columns on different personal conflicts. But the one that I am particularly interested in is this:

How do you stay true to yourself, while maintaining a certain level of outside approval? When do you care too much about what other people think? When are you being too independent and socially reclusive?

This issue is especially relevant in the lives of high school students.

These are our formative years. We create close friendships, learn about life, try to determine who we are and where we want to go. And, as we try to figure out our place in the world, we get constantly conflicting messages about what is considered proper behavior.

We are all told to be our own person. Yet we are also kept in line by social constructs and expectations.

Should I be myself if that means playing soccer instead of doing my homework? Should I sacrifice my grades to fulfill my true desires?

Whom should I be friends with and for what reason? Do I want to be well liked and sociable? Not “popular” in the middle school sense of the word, but friendly. Does being friendly make me a better person?

Or should I be honest and only talk to the people I truly love and care about? Is it fickle to be nice to those I actually dislike?

If I go to post-prom because I don’t want to seem too haughty to attend a school-sponsored event, then are my actions being overly influenced by what people think of me? Or, am I just trying to show people that I am not some stuck-up jerk?

It is so hard to know what to do in these situations. There isn’t some clichéd answer that solves all the problems

“Do what makes you happy.” Clearly there are things you will have to do during your life that are rather unpleasant — i.e., study for calculus.
“Be yourself.” There times when you need to alter your perception of who you are. I love to gossip, but I can’t always answer to that impulse.

“Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” Yes, please laugh; that was a joke.

But my point is, there isn’t one solid solution.

In the end, I guess my suggestion would be for everyone to be a bit less judgmental. Everyone is trying to make the right decision. Perhaps if we didn’t criticize so harshly, people would not have to worry constantly about being true to themselves and true to others.

It wouldn’t matter whether or not I go to post-prom. If I go, no one will condemn me for caring too much about other people’s opinions. If I don’t go, people won’t assume it is because I am an elitist b****.

On that note, I leave you with one final word of advice: “If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day. If you teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.” Think about that.

MORE OPINIONS FROM SARAH PFANDER

Column: Peter Pan was right; growing up is overrated

Column: Putting an end to periods?

Column: The future freaks me out

Column: The race to minority status

Column: Spirit Week! (pause) NOT!

Column: ProbleMS with periods

Column: Since when is integration unconstitutional?

Column: Individual rights vs. functioning world, which takes precedence?

Column: The problem with politics

Column: Don't hate the player or the game

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