ERIKA BELMONT
Gargoyle staff reporter
Posted Wednesday, March 5, 2008

THE OTHER DAY I received this e-mail from Central College:

“Since I haven’t gotten your attention so far, I’m going to go out on a limb and provide you with some alternate lyrics to Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Since U Been Gone,’ personalized just for you. Since you’re so smart,

We want to give you our cool guide.
Request it right now, yeah yeah!
If you do, you'll learn tips to set you apart
Since you're so smart.

“What do you think, Erika? Should I keep my day job? Help me prove everyone here in the office wrong (they think no one will respond to this e-mail) by clicking here. I’ll send you ‘Myths & Make-Believe: What the Guidebooks Won't Tell You’ and a Central College keychain lanyard.”

Of all the college e-mail I’ve received up to this point, this is my favorite one by far.

After I didn’t respond to some of the colleges, they have desperately tried to get my attention with such tricks as putting my name in the subject header, providing useless quizzes, or saying that I’ve stood out to them.

Other colleges have just ended up sending the same e-mail two or three times. I just wish that some universities would learn after the third e-mail that a student is not interested.

The subject header for this particular e-mail was, “We wrote a song for you.” This immediately caught my attention, and unlike the other e-mails from universities I’m not interested in, I opened it.

At first, however, I was very confused. I had to read it over a few times, since I was confused why Kelly Clarkson was being mentioned in a college e-mail. After I got it, I quickly went to listen to the song to see if Central’s lyrics matched. I even sang along with the different lyrics.

Still, this e-mail is a little depressing. Sophomores in high school are already receiving desperate e-mails from colleges with lame attempts to attract us to them.

We are not even halfway done with high school, and we are being bombarded with e-mails from college admissions officers forced to come up with corny lyrics to a once-popular song.

I know some would argue that the sooner we start our college search the better, but can’t we start in junior year? Most people in my class are still wondering when they are going to take drivers ed, while others in my class aren’t what people would typically call mature.

Maybe time is just moving incredibly fast, but it just doesn’t seem like we’re given enough time to enjoy high school and being young.

We’re always hampered down with the idea of college and the idea that doing badly on just one test or major project will prevent you from getting into any good school. People should not be stressing if they have a grade point average of 3.7, because it’s OK to get a few B’s, and unlike what your parents say, it’s not going to drastically change your life.

We should be able to look back at our high school years with fond memories, and not as just four years of college-related business or striving to be the perfect student so you could get into a top school. There are bums who’ve graduated from the Ivy League, while there are geniuses with high-paying jobs who come from colleges that aren’t really considered that great.

But since, in reality, thousands of other sophomores are starting their college search, I should probably start reading more of these e-mails. However, if more colleges start sending me song lyrics, this process could turn out to be fairly entertaining.

Note: An earlier version of this column was published as an entry in the Gargoyle staff blog.