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Column: "We can dance if we want to…"
Gargoyle photo (click to enlarge)The first floor of Uni was packed Friday night at the Howdy Hop. How much freedom should dancers have in close quarters?Published: Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 6:49pm
LAST FRIDAY NIGHT at the Howdy Hop, I had quite the stellar time. Loud music, my best friends, grinding …
Oh wait. Scratch that last one.
Here, I'll start at the beginning …
I arrive at senior Lizzy Warner's house at around 7:45, straight from a short jaunt of babysitting after school. I've been up since 5, and school and the kids were both pretty tiring. I'm just ready to LET LOOSE at the end of an overwhelming first few days.
And, honestly, I think that the kids who went to the dance should get props for spending their Friday night there, supervised, rather than off gallivanting around doing who knows what. And I’m not saying that anyone would have been doing anything at all illicit, but it just seems better that it was a school event, right?
After getting ready at Lizzy’s house, we head over to the dance at around 9:30. Entering the first-floor hallway, we immediately kick off our shoes and head for the dance floor. YES! I love dancing, and I love singing along to the songs, and our school dances have been one of my favorite things about Uni ever since entering as a subfreshman.
We begin to get our grooves on, if you will, and are dancing away, when suddenly …
Someone breaks us up and tells us how much space she needs to see between our bodies.
… Seriously?
I'm a high school senior, and I'm almost 18. I apologize for grinding with one of my best friends? But I don't really see the problem here. I understand that there are subbies there, and that maybe they're 12 and 13 and shouldn't be exposed to that, but … then they should know from that dance on that that's what they should expect, and if they're not mature enough to handle it, it's not a mandatory event. These dances are for the whole school, which means that they should be FUN for the whole school.
I remember my VERY first Uni dance, which I suppose was the Howdy Hop my subbie year (I love our dances and have been to every single one I could attend), all the upperclassmen were grinding and dancing and having an awesome time. I remember thinking that it was SO COOL that the school was OK with having a dance from 8 to 11 (which, to my 13-year-old brain, was pretty late) and that we could dance however we wanted to. We could go buy sodas downstairs, bring friends, and although there were chaperones, they were letting us have fun!
Flash forward to my senior year, where I'm getting separated from my friend and scolded. Really? I've been waiting to be a senior for FOUR YEARS, and now it's here and … well, not quite what I was expecting.
Now, I admit, they're not being as hard as they would at some schools: I danced to a slow song with a guy friend, and they didn't set any space limits. And at prom last year, the rules were also relaxed, I assume because they realized that no one would come to prom if they couldn't dance with each other.
But still, with teachers standing up on tables to see into the crowd, I felt a little … violated. I mean, I’m not really inclined to go to these dances and (in the future) pay money to feel awkward about expressing myself. And yes, expressing myself involves grinding. Sorry, that's how it goes.
Because that's what it IS these days — dancing and grinding are often interchangeable. Not always, I'm the first to admit, because I adore jumping around and just plain ol' dancing as well. But times are changin', kid. Gotta move on.
And I, personally, don't equate grinding with dating or being interested in each other or ANYTHING along those lines. I think of it more as … flirting, I suppose. And I flirt with guy friends all the time. And if I'm just grinding with a close girlfriend, then it's just something that we do because we're close, like sharing mascara or snuggling on the couch during a movie. It's just a girl thing.
Basically, my point is that I think that the grinding policies are sort of absurd. One of the wonderful things about Uni that seems to be changing lately is all of the freedom. I want to be trusted to be respectful toward adults and younger students while STILL being able to have fun and let loose, since that's what these dances are supposed to be FOR. And we all just want to have fun.
All I ask for is a little trust to not get carried away on the dance floor, and in return I'll respect you more, for acknowledging that we, not as students or children, but as teenagers, are using high school as a chance to figure out how to grow up.
An earlier version of this column appeared as an entry in the Gargoyle staff blog.
Comments
Reasonable Restriction or Unnecessary Observation?
Now, I'm not a regular at the dances, as some of you may have noticed, but it strikes me as a little odd that the adults charged with watching over us for the duration of the dance are concerned (or told to be concerned) with what seems like harmless fun. I've always been of the opinion that people should basically be allowed to do what they want as long as they're not hurting anyone else, and unless Lor is leaving something out, this grinding strikes me as fairly benign.
Now, I don't want to be unfair to the administration in my ignorance, and I am willing to admit that my ignorance stems from not having pursued an explanation for this limitation by the administration, but grinding is probably one of those things that people are too quick to restrict. Is it really worth sending people around to check personal space? I mean, personal space is a pretty personal issue, and I don't think anyone needs to be told what to allow in their own personal space. If they feel comfortable grinding, what business of anyone else's is it to tell them not to?
I would definitely be surprised to find out that the trouble is that people feel uncomfortable with grinding going on around them. I might be going out on a limb here, but Uni seems to have a pretty liberal atmosphere. Perhaps it's the parents? If so, I respectfully implore them to take a step back and trust their kids to handle themselves for three hours. Supposedly, one can't get into Uni without a modicum of maturity. If it's an issue of PDA or somesuch, my understanding of the argument against PDA is that it's detrimental to an educational atmosphere. I have been to no dances, but it doesn't sound like much education is intended.
All in all, the general feeling I think the students have about the administration in this case is that it's being a little too controlling. I'd love to see the administration redirect some of their overzealous observation of dances towards keeping all of my classes from assigning homework that is due on the same day (if they are already doing that, frankly, it's not working). That keeps me from being in the situation where I have to pick a teacher to go to and ask them to ease up a little so that I can get everyone else's work done. This has already happened to me once, and I've been in school now for six days, I think. Something like that. Anyway, I don't think I want to repeat that particular experience every week, and I got the impression the teacher wasn't too pleased either. Several of my friends are in the same situation. If teachers' homework assignments were observed with the same scrutiny that is seemingly directed at students during dances, my life would probably be a bit less stressful and therefore potentially more open to education. I know that, being adults, teachers probably don't like to be told how to act by other adults, so I hope it's just a empathic oversight (and not a mindset) when adults leap at a chance to call teenagers out on stuff. That's just how it seems to me, and I think I speak for all of us when I say there is not one among us who appreciates it. Constructive criticism is great, keep it coming. Things like 'no grinding' leave us confused and slightly resentful.
In any case, I eagerly await any explanation for this grinding restriction. It doesn't affect me personally, but I'm quite curious.
My sentiments exactly. In
My sentiments exactly. In every aspect.
exactly
my thoughts exactly.
Special report: Grinding down on student dances
I would direct everyone who is interested to read the Gargoyle article by this name: "Special report: Grinding down on student dances." I just noticed it this morning and have not had a chance to read it myself, but I suspect similar issues are raised.
More on that later, perhaps.
Wow, it's early.
Hmm. At my school, what we
Hmm.
At my school, what we did, is we had the kids who weren't grinding make a sort of loose barrier around the center. Now, the teachers were fairly lenient, i'll say, and the construction of the room prohibited any standing on tables, but no conflicts arose. Except when one kid took off his shirt while dancing to, "satisfaction". Yeaaaah.
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